


#1 Crush/Pretty Piece of Flesh

by zebraljb



Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-15
Updated: 2012-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-29 13:55:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/320639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance has loved Justin for a while, and a small accident makes Justin realize it.  In the meantime, Joey is working a crush of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	#1 Crush/Pretty Piece of Flesh

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote "Pretty Piece of Flesh" first, then realized that Justin/Lance's side of the story needed to be told. "#1 Crush" is first chronologically, so that's first, with JC/Joey's side, "Pretty Piece of Flesh", directly after.

#1 Crush  
By: Lara

 

“Man, I hate this,” Chris growled as a crew member tightened the harness around his waist.

“Forget the height, Chrissy. Just enjoy the feeling of another man’s hands all over your body,” Joey joked. Chris gave Joey a dirty look and the crew member gave him the finger. “What?”

Lance watched as the other guys picked on Chris, trying to distract him from his fear of heights. Lance was also distracted…by Justin. He looked so good that day, wearing a grey wifebeater and black cargo shorts. It was his usual rehearsal outfit, but the tank top seemed extra tight that day, and a light sheen of sweat seemed to glisten on Justin’s skin. His curls were damp with sweat, yet he was as energetic as ever.

Lance sighed as he carefully watched Justin. Lance had realized he was gay when he was about thirteen years old, but he had NEVER felt about anyone the way he felt about Justin. It bordered on worship, but Lance couldn’t help it. Justin was simply gorgeous, so sexy, and he was so damn charming. They were good friends, but Lance sometimes had to order himself to keep his thoughts platonic. Justin was this amazing creature that he couldn’t help but adore…and sometimes he thought Justin knew about it.

Like now. Justin was getting strapped into his harness, and he looked over at Lance and winked as the crew member adjusted the straps around his upper thighs. Lance blushed and looked away. He knew Justin was straight, but Justin had sat him down a few times to ask him questions about being gay. He admired Justin’s openness, he knew that Justin could have very easily kept his distance. But he accepted Lance’s choice; all the guys did.

“Okay…up we go,” their stage manager announced. Lance sighed and turned his focus away from Justin. No use wasting time on what would never be.

They slowly were lifted off the ground, and Lance heard Chris groan. Lance gave him an encouraging smile, but Chris clutched the harness wire and closed his eyes. Suddenly JC laughed, his giggle ringing out through the speakers. “Justin!”

“What’s up?” The stage manager called.

“Justin told an incredibly dumb joke and got it right,” Joey said, his voice booming through the arena.

“I didn’t hear it. Justin, turn on your mike,” the manager ordered.

“It IS on,” Justin protested. The manager sighed.

“Get him down so I can take a look at it.”

“Get us ALL down!” Chris yelled frantically. The stage manager sighed again and nodded. The five men were slowly lowered to the ground. Joey and JC stayed in their harnesses, playing some kind of weird Matrix fighting game, but Lance and Chris unstrapped themselves with Justin.

“Here,” Justin said, removing his mike pack as he stepped out of the harness.

To Lance, everything seemed to move in slow motion after that. Justin’s foot caught in a strap, and the mike pack went flying. Justin tried to catch himself, but his forehead hit the floor with an alarming thud.

“Oh, Jesus!” The stage manager hopped up on stage.

“Justin,” Lance whispered, moving faster than he thought possible. He fell to his knees by Justin, slowly rolling him over. An ugly lump was forming on his forehead. “Justin,” Lance whimpered, cradling Justin’s head in his lap. “Open your eyes, Baby,” Lance begged in a whisper, stroking Justin’s curls. As if on demand, Justin’s blue eyes fluttered open. Lance blinked back tears, keeping his head down so the others couldn’t see. “Talk to me,” Lance whispered, running a hand down Justin’s cheek.

“Hey,” Justin said softly, and Lance shuddered with a sigh of relief.

“Don’t move,” the stage manager said. “An ambulance is coming.”

“I’m…not going…anywhere,” Justin whispered, looking up at Lance. Lance felt his lower lip tremble, and he made himself look up at the other guys.

“He sounds okay,” he said in what he hoped was a normal voice. He continued to stroke Justin’s hair and face, because Justin hadn’t asked him to stop.

“God, Curly,” Chris said, his face pale. “Scare us to death, why don’t you?”

“Sorry,” Justin whispered, then closed his eyes again. Lance’s eyes remained glued on the face he loved until the EMTs loaded Justin onto a gurney and put him in the ambulance.

 

“So…where’s Lance?” Justin asked as Joey, Chris and JC entered his hospital room. He had a mild concussion, but otherwise he was perfectly fine. The four bandmates had been in the waiting room for three hours, waiting patiently until they could see their baby brother.

“He…uh…” JC looked at the others. “You know, I don’t know.”

“He WAS in the waiting room, now he’s not,” Chris replied.

“Oh,” Justin said softly, then shrugged. “Okay.”

He chatted with his friends, reassuring them that he was fine, but inside he was devastated. For weeks now he had carefully been watching Lance, watching Lance watch him. He knew Lance was gay, and he was fine with it. Being gay was not a big deal to Justin. Hell, he could admire a gorgeous man just as easily as a gorgeous woman…he thought Lance was beautiful. And Lance was so courageous, coming out to them the way he had. But Justin had begun to suspect that Lance’s interests were not in men in general…Lance was interested in HIM. At first, he wasn’t quite sure how to react to that. Then he realized that fifty percent of the world’s population was male, and Lance had chosen HIM over all of those billions of people. That was pretty cool. And the way Lance had looked at him as he cradled Justin in his lap…Lance’s pretty green eyes were terrified. Terrified that Justin was seriously hurt.

“Well, you look tired,” Joey said finally, standing up. “We’ll go…and we’ll see you back at the hotel tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah…thanks for coming in, guys. Sorry I freaked you out,” Justin said. JC hugged him.

“It’s cool…I’m glad you’re okay.”

Joey and Chris hugged him as well, then they filed out of the room. Justin stared at the window, not able to see into the darkness but not really looking. He just wondered where Lance was.

He had almost fallen asleep when he heard the door open. His eyes fluttered open. “Hey!” He said excitedly, struggling to sit up. “Hey, Lance!”

“Hi.” Lance stood in the doorway shyly, then sat by the bed. He took Justin’s hand and squeezed it, but didn’t let go. “God, Justin, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Me, too,” Justin tried to joke, but Lance’s eyes were solemn.

“I was so scared…I rolled you over and your eyes were closed…and that bruise looked just AWFUL…I was scared. Thank God you’re okay.”

“Yeah…thanks for caring,” Justin said lamely, not sure what to say. Lance’s green eyes roamed over Justin’s body, as if to reassure himself that Justin was still there and okay. Neither of them said anything for a long moment.

“Do you want me to leave?” Lance asked.

“No!” Justin said quickly. “I’ve been waiting and waiting for you to come in.”

“Oh…sorry.” Lance blushed deeply. “I was walking around…I wanted to come see you by myself.”

“I’m glad you did,” Justin said softly.

“Time for some painkillers,” a nurse said cheerfully as she breezed in. Justin wanted to smack her.

“I feel fine,” he snapped.

“That bump’s gonna be hurting in a few hours,” she told him, as she gave him a shot in the arm. “This will help you rest.” And she breezed out again.

“I’ll stay…you know…til you’re sleeping,” Lance said.

“Okay,” Justin said, already starting to feel drowsy. His eyes soon closed, and he could hear Lance humming, then singing, as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He sighed and smiled. He liked to hear Lance sing. Lance had a beautiful voice. Just as he was about to totally fall asleep, Lance stopped singing. He slowly let go of Justin’s hand, and stood by the bed. Justin froze as he felt a pair of soft lips touch his forehead.

“Good night, baby boy. I love you.” A finger ran across his lips, then he heard Lance leave the room.

 

Justin was released from the hospital the next day, and was told to rest for the next two or three days. The other guys thanked him for getting them some well-needed time off, but it was obvious how much the whole thing scared him.

“You know, we might never get Chris up in a harness again,” JC said as he helped Justin into the passenger seat of his car.

“Yeah…I thought about that,” Justin said, laughing. “He’ll want a parachute or something.” JC laughed as well. “Hey, Jayce, thanks for coming to get me.”

“No problem. I thought Lance would offer…but he said he was busy.”

“Lance?” Justin’s ears perked up.

“Yeah…he was so damned concerned about you, J. I thought he wouldn’t trust me to drive you…but he said he had something to do.”

“Oh,” Justin said sadly, wondering if the kiss was something he had imagined while medicated.

 

Justin paced around his house for the next few days, deep in thought. He answered the phone, but for the most part he kept to himself. He spent a lot of time out on his back deck, thinking. Thinking about Lance. Thinking about what he felt for Lance. Thinking about what those feelings would mean to him, to Lance, to the group in general.

He had never considered himself bisexual. He had thought different things about different guys, but nothing he’d ever act upon. But this was different. This was Lance. Lance was so amazing, and the best thing was, Lance didn’t even realize it. He had that soft white skin and the gorgeous green eyes, the crooked grin. He even had sexy earlobes. And he was so smart…so savvy…Justin was jealous of that. Maybe Lance didn’t write songs, but he could manage things. And that was more important sometimes.

The more Justin thought about it, the more he realized that he could very easily fall in love with Lance, if given the chance. Lance obviously had feelings for him; the green eyes that turned on him so many times were full of much more than lust. Lust…Justin’s mind wandered to Lance’s body. It looked so soft and sweet, and he wondered how Lance tasted. He wondered what it would feel like to have Lance moving over him, have Lance taking him in his mouth, have Lance thrusting into him. Justin blushed as he felt an erection grow from the mere thought. Yes, he and Lance had to have a talk.

 

Lance stood at Justin’s front door, hesitating. He had been on this front porch a million times, and he always felt a spark of energy before ringing the bell. He knew that the thing he loved, the thing he wanted most in the world was on the other side. But now he was worried. Justin had called out of the blue, and no excuse on Lance’s part could get him from making Lance come over. As if Lance could say no. Lance just KNEW that Justin had heard him say he loved him…and now he was gonna freak about it.

Justin opened the door and Lance almost fell over. “Hey!” Justin said happily. “Why are you standing out here on my front porch?”

“I…well…” Lance stammered, and Justin looked at him curiously.

“Who cares. Get in here!” Justin smothered Lance with a hug. “I haven’t seen you in FOREVER!”

“It was just a few days ago,” Lance said weakly, totally confused.

“It felt like forever.” Justin gave Lance a meaningful look, and Lance blushed. “C’mon…I have some beer and stuff in the kitchen.”

“Good,” Lance said, realizing he might need one. He sat down by Justin at the kitchen table and opened a bottle of beer. “So…what’s up?”

Justin gently took the beer from Lance and set it on the table. “Lance…I need to know something. Are you in love with me?”

Lance shot to his feet. “Well, I…no…well, kinda…no. No, Justin, I’m not.”

“You’re not?” Justin looked almost crestfallen and Lance felt a tiny spark of something in his stomach. “But I heard you say it.”

“You heard that?”

“You ARE in love with me!” Justin said triumphantly, standing as well.

“Yeah…I guess…I guess I am. There, now you can make fun of me and laugh. I’ve tried to keep from telling you but you guessed it,” Lance said miserably. Justin walked around a table and put a hand on Lance’s arm.

“No…Lance…it’s not like that.”

“I mean, how could I help it, Justin? I knew I never had a chance…you’re so beautiful and everyone wants you…and you’re straight, for God’s sake…”

“But I’m not, Lance. And I don’t care about everyone…I care about YOU wanting me.”

“…everyone knows you’ll end up with Britney and have ten kids and they’ll ALL be beautiful…and I was fine just daydreaming about you, ya know? And…”

“For God’s sake, Lance, shut up.” Justin pulled Lance into the kiss before Lance knew what hit him. Lance whimpered, squirmed, then sighed. Justin’s lips were tender and sweeter then he thought possible. Justin moaned, letting his tongue lick inside Lance’s mouth as his hands ran up through Lance’s short hair. “God…finally you shut up,” Justin whispered, pressing his forehead to Lance’s.

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing you…or trying to if you’d shut up. I hope you don’t talk this much in bed,” Justin teased, running his finger along Lance’s ears. “God…even your ears are sexy. Why didn’t I notice this before?”

“Bed?” Lance asked weakly. “Justin, what’s going on?”

“Let me fall in love with you, Lance,” Justin whispered. “I’m so close already…let me…”

“What?” Lance tried to pull away, but Justin wouldn’t let him.

“I’m not playing, Lance, I’m serious. I’ve known you had a thing for me for a while…and I thought about it after my accident…and I realized that maybe I’ve loved you all along. Let me find out…”

“You want to be…with me?”

“Yeah,” Justin said. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…I…”

“You’re wonderful,” Justin said, a dreamy smile on his face. “I can’t believe you want ME.”

“My sentiments exactly,” Lance said, smiling. Justin returned the smile with his own sunny grin, and they kissed again.

 

As the weeks passed, Justin wondered how he had ever thought about being with anyone else. Lance was everything he had dreamed about in a lover. He was kind, thoughtful, completely unselfish, smart…not to mention gorgeous and sexy. And he didn’t even know it! He thought Justin was doing him a favor by even spending time with him, and at times that drove Justin crazy. In fact, it caused their first fight, a month after they had decided to get together.

They were about to go on tour, and Lance was griping about some of their costumes. They were on the sofa of Lance’s house, where Justin spent more time than he did in his own home. “I look like such a dork in those pants, Justin,” Lance grumbled. “They weren’t meant for someone like me. You, JC, yeah, but not me.”

Justin sat up from where he had been sprawled over Lance’s lap. “And what does that mean?”

Lance blinked. “Well…you and JC…you’re built in the way that deserves tight shirts and leather pants and…”

Justin wanted to smack him. “Will you shut up about that? God…it so pisses me off when you get like this.”

“Like what?” Lance was totally clueless.

“So what you’re saying is that me and Jayce are the pretty dolls who should dress to show off our bodies, while you and Joey and Chris need to wear potato sacks?”

“Yes…well…no…” Lance realized his mistake too late.

“Fuck you, Lance.” Justin struggled to his feet. “Apparently you think my taste sucks. Apparently I’m an idiot for even being SEEN with someone like you, right?”

“Right.” Lance groaned. “No, not right. You’re twisting my words around,” he said unhappily.

“Listen to yourself, Lance. Every time you criticize yourself, you criticize me. You say that you’re awful and not even close to as good looking as me…but I think you’re gorgeous. What does that say about me and what I think?” Justin said angrily. Lance frowned.

“I didn’t think about it that way,” he admitted.

“Obviously not.” Justin stomped upstairs to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. So what if it was Lance’s house. Slamming the door felt good. He fell onto the bed, pounding the pillow in frustration.

Fifteen minutes later the door opened a crack. “Can I talk to you?”

“It’s your house, you can do whatever you want,” Justin snapped, not really angry but not willing to give in.

Lance slipped into the room and closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry, Justin. I just don’t see me the way you do. You’re everything that’s beautiful in the world…and I guess I still am in awe that you chose me.”

“Well, I did choose you and…” Justin rolled over and forgot what he was going to say. “And I…uh…”

Lance smiled bashfully as he leaned against the closed door, totally naked. “I thought you could point out all my good parts…you know…things that you like about me. If you said it enough, I might begin to believe it.”

Justin gulped, then grinned, amazed at how Lance could drive him crazy. “It might take a while. I like a lot about you.”

“We have all night,” Lance murmured, walking over to the bed.

 

After about three months, they came out to the guys. Well, actually, Justin came out, and they announced their coupleship. The others accepted it well, though Chris felt the need to point out that he thought Lance was crazy, wanting to be with someone like Justin. That earned a slap in the head from Justin and a kick in the shin from Lance, who felt the need to defend his boy’s honor SOMEHOW. Justin looked at JC.

“You sure you’re okay with this?”

“Of course I am,” JC said immediately, and Justin knew he meant it. “You guys are great together.”

“Thanks,” he said gratefully. JC gave him a hug. When JC pulled away, however, Justin noticed the sadness in the blue eyes of his best friend.

After this, he began to watch JC carefully. They spent more and more time together as a group, and Justin noticed that while JC was indeed totally cool with the idea of Lance and Justin together, he would often look at them wistfully. About two months later, Justin finally cornered JC to talk about it.

“Jealous?” JC said, shocked. “Why would I be jealous?”

“Well, maybe because we’re so happy, and you haven’t found that special someone,” Justin said carefully, drinking his beer. They were on the back porch of JC’s still half-empty house.

“Well, that’s true,” JC admitted. “You guys are so damn cute, it gives me cavities.”

Justin swatted at him half-heartedly. “And maybe you’re jealous that we’ve come out…at least to our families and to you guys…”

“Come out? I’m not…” JC began, but one look at Justin’s face made him realize that his best friend wasn’t buying it. “Okay…yeah, I am. I’m gay.”

“Okay. Now that you’ve said that, I can work on finding you someone,” Justin said earnestly, and JC couldn’t help but grin.

“That’s it? I admit something I’ve hardly admitted to myself, and you just wanna play matchmaker?”

“JC, I love you. You are my family. I want you happy…as happy as Lance and I are.”

“Is it possible to GET that happy?”

“I don’t know,” Justin said with a mushy sigh. JC groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Gag.” But his eyes were thoughtful. “I want that, Justin…but I don’t think I can find it.”

“You never know when it will appear, Jayce. I sure as hell didn’t expect to find it in Lance.”

JC didn’t reply, just sat and stared at his bottle of beer.

 

At about the same time, Lance was going over some last minute movie business with Joey. They were seated at a streetside café, eating lunch. “Joey, will you quit drooling over the people walking by and listen to me?” Lance finally said, exasperated.

“Sorry,” Joey said, with a grin that said he was not at all sorry. Lance couldn’t help but grin back. “So…how’s your girlfriend.”

“JUSTIN is fine, thank you very much.” Lance pretended to be angry, but Chris and Joey always called he and Justin ‘the girls,’ and they really didn’t mind that much. “You should have someone like him.”

“No…I think I’m too old to deal with a just-out-of-his-teens-horndog,” Joey said, and Lance blushed. They constantly teased Lance about sex with Justin, because Lance would blush deliciously and that only made it better. “Nah…not into that.” Joey made a huge point of watching a girl in a minidress walk by.

“You sure?” Lance said gently, bravely testing the waters. He had had his suspicions for some time, and he needed to know.

“What are you saying, Lance?” Joey looked at him, his brown eyes somber.

“You’re in love with JC,” Lance declared. Joey began to laugh, but when Lance’s green gaze didn’t waver, Joey got serious.

“Yeah…yeah I am.” He looked at Lance sadly. “Do you know how hopeless a case this is? We’re talking JC…who isn’t even gay,” Joey protested. “What a waste of my time.”

“Trust me, Joe…” Lance put a hand on Joey’s arm. “I am the poster child for lost causes…and look what happened to me. You never know.”

 

“You need to tell me,” Justin whined as Lance mysteriously whisked a bag into the guestroom closet. “I wanna know! How can I wear a costume if I don’t know what it is?”

Lance kissed Justin on the nose. “You made no sense with what you just said. Justin, leave this until tomorrow. I’ll know if you touched it…and if you touch it, I won’t wear my half.”

Justin groaned. It was true. Lance was like a mother in that he immediately knew if you were into something you weren’t supposed to be. “Okay,” he grumbled. The costume party was the next day, and he could wait. “I’m gonna go call JC.”

“Okay…I’ll be down making dinner,” Lance said cheerfully. He kissed Justin’s nose once more. “And no peeking.”

“God, okay,” Justin said, annoyed. He went into their bedroom and flopped onto the bed, grabbing the phone on his way down. It was Lance’s house, but he had long since sold his own large home, telling people he wasn’t home enough to need all the space. Justin rented a tiny apartment to keep up appearances, but for all intents and purposes, he lived with Lance now.

“Hello?”

“Jayce? I need to know what my costume is.”

“Huh?”

“Did Lance tell you?”

“Hell, no. Actually, he told me that if you asked, I was supposed to tell you that you’re Raggedy Anne and he’s Andy.”

“No,” Justin moaned, and JC laughed.

“Honestly, Justin, I don’t know. Really. He didn’t tell me. None of us know any of the costumes…except he knows yours.”

“Dammit,” Justin growled, then sighed. “How are you?”

“Okay,” JC sighed also. Right before they had returned from their press tour, JC had broken up with a boyfriend. He had tried, but the man couldn’t deal with the way JC’s career ran his life. “Getting over it.”

“Good,” Justin said. “And I meant what I said on the plane. You may find someone at this party.”

“Yeah, you never know,” JC said sadly. They chatted for a few more minutes and then they hung up. Justin remained on the bed, thinking of some way to help JC.

 

“No…Justin’s upstairs on the phone, Joey. No, I’m on my cell…he won’t pick up,” Lance said as he measured flour to make gravy. He checked the roast in the oven as soon as he had the flour ready. “Dammit…tell me why I spoil him with dinner?”

“Because you miss getting to take care of him and you’re too selfish to cook for us on tour?” Joey said helpfully.

“Screw you, Fatone,” Lance said, sneezing as some flour went up his nose. “So…gonna say something?”

“No.”

“Joey…I thought you decided you needed to come clean with him about this.”

“Yeah, but what if he hates me?”

“JC is not capable of hating any of us, Joey. If he was, Chris would be dead ten times by now,” Lance pointed out. He put the phone against his chest. “Justin, you have ten minutes to get your cute ass down here!” Lance yelled.

“But he still might hate me. He’s straight, Lance, and…”

“I don’t think he is, Joey, and I think you might be just what he’s looking for,” Lance told him. “TELL HIM, Joe. Please. You’re so miserable about it…it can’t make things worse.”

“If you say so,” Joey grumbled, and hung up.

 

“Glitter?” Justin stared at Lance. “I need to wear glitter?”

“Justin, it’s skin cream. It will moisturize your skin.” Lance appealed to Justin’s vanity.

“Glitter?”

“Justin, trust me. You’ll look hot…and I refuse to put on my costume until you put on this glitter…” Lance slapped the tube of glitter cream into Justin’s hand. “…angel.”

“Huh?”

“DO it. I have two words for you, baby.” Lance purposely lowered his voice. “Leather pants.”

Justin whimpered and went to the bathroom. “Where do you want this?”

“Upper body only…even your head,” Lance announced, handing Justin a garment bag. “And here you go. Wear your sandals.”

“Um…okay,” Justin said slowly.

“I’ll be in the guest room.” Lance smiled a slow smile and took his own bag off a hook. “Come get me when you’re dressed.”

Justin quickly slathered on the glitter cream, then unzipped the bag. He smiled. This looked innocent enough. It was only when he had the jeans on and was pulling the wifebeater over his head that he noticed the tiny pair of wings in the bottom of the bag. He wondered if maybe Lance had given him the wrong bag by mistake. He picked up the wings and the tiny ring of gold from the bottom of the bag and padded to the guestroom on bare feet.

Lance answered his knock. “Yes?” He asked, adjusting a pair of red horns in his hair.

“I was wondering if…” Justin’s voice trailed away as his blue eyes ran over Lance’s body. He wore a tight black wifebeater, with a pair of tiny red horns embroidered over his heart. His legs were sheathed in tight black leather pants, with red flames that ran from the hems to the knees.

“Can you help me with my tail?” Lance turned around and shook his hips slightly, handing Justin a red tail. Justin tried to attach it to a belt loop, but his hands were shaking.

“Lance,” Justin said in a small voice.

“Hmmm?” Lance grabbed the tail from Justin and put it on himself.

“God, I wanna fuck you,” Justin sighed. Lance smirked.

“Good. You keep that thought all night, and when you least expect it, you’ll get your wish.” He carefully placed the halo on Justin’s shorn head. “I’m evil like that.”

 

“Wow…look at Jayce,” Justin commented, his eyes almost falling out of his head. “I didn’t know he had legs like that.” He stared at JC, who was dressed as Romeo, down to a pair of tights.

Lance did a double-take as they talked to someone by the door at the party. “Daymn,” Lance muttered. “Either did I.”

“We could take him,” Justin said lightly. “Me and you.”

“Yeah, we could,” Lance said faintly, imagining the scenario. “Um, no. Not Jayce.” He shook his head. “Not for us.” He saw the look of lust in JC’s eyes as he looked at them and he grinned. “Unfortunately.”

They wandered over and made small talk with JC, Chris and Chris’ girlfriend, Julie, until Joey arrived, then they all went in to eat dinner. After they ate, they separated and went out into the group to mingle. Justin was in the middle of a conversation with someone when Lance lightly tugged on his arm. “Excuse me,” Justin said graciously. “Dude, do you know who that was?”

“Do I care?” Lance growled. “Follow me.” Justin obediently followed Lance down a few hallways until Lance led him into a small study. Lance closed the door behind them, leaning against it with a sly grin.

“Lance, what…” Justin started to ask, then smiled at the look on Lance’s face. “Horny little devil.”

“Only when it comes to you,” Lance said before Justin crushed his mouth with his own. Justin whimpered, sucking on Lance’s tongue. He pulled Lance from the door, tugging him over towards a black sofa. He turned Lance around, pressing his erection into Lance’s leatherclad ass. “Mmm…” Lance moaned.

“Angels can be evil, too,” Justin mumbled in Lance’s ear, sliding a hand around to rub Lance through the leather.

“Justin, please…God…it hurts…” Lance moaned, his erection pressing hard against the leather pants. Justin smiled and sucked on Lance’s earlobe as he unzipped Lance’s pants and slid his hand inside. “Yes…yes…” Lance grunted as Justin stroked him. Justin pushed Lance’s pants down, took off Lance’s shoes, then yanked the pants off. His own white jeans soon joined them on the floor.

Justin lifted one of Lance’s legs, giving him easier access. He bent Lance over the sofa, then began to lick and tease at Lance’s opening. “Don’t cum…” he told Lance.

“Oh…fuck…” Lance almost whined, his hands grabbing at the fabric of the couch. Justin’s tongue darted and flickered until Lance was begging Justin not to stop. So Justin stopped. He bent down and dug into the pocket of his jeans.

“These jeans you picked out for me were so tight I only had room for one thing in the pocket,” Justin said softly, tearing the package on the condom. He was thankful for the lubricant on the condom, since he of course didn’t have any. He sheathed himself, then pressed Lance down onto the sofa. He slowly guided himself in. “Lance…God…so good…” Justin breathed, pulling out and slowly sliding in again.

“More…Justin…harder…” Lance gasped. Justin held onto Lance’s hips and slammed himself in again and again. “Oh…yes…Justin…” Lance moaned, trying to keep his voice down. Justin grabbed a handful of Lance’s hair, arching Lance’s back.

“You’re so good…Lance…you are so FUCKING good…” Justin panted, knowing he wouldn’t last long. He released Lance’s hair and dug his fingers into Lance’s waist as he came. Lance moaned as Justin pulled out.

“Damn…baby…you’re incredible,” Lance said.

“I’m not done.” Justin fell to his knees, turning Lance around. Lance gasped as Justin’s hot mouth surrounded his throbbing cock. He ran his hands over Justin’s head, ignoring the glitter that soon covered his fingers.

“Angel…oh…God…” Lance threw his head back as Justin’s tongue slid over him. “I’m gonna cum…so hard…so good…ah…” Lance shuddered as he came long and hard. Justin swallowed it all, licking at Lance’s cock gently. He slowly stood up and they shared a kiss.

“I cannot believe you just seduced me at a party where we hardly know the host,” Justin whispered, biting Lance’s neck.

“Ha…who seduced who, Angel?” Lance chuckled. They quickly dressed and sedately went out into the hallway. Chris and Julie were in the lobby, Chris holding the sword from JC’s costume.

“Hey…where’s JC?” Justin asked.

“He blew out of here like a bat out of hell, handing me this on the way,” Chris said, confused.

“And then Joey busted out of here, almost in tears,” Julie added.

“Oh, no,” Justin and Lance said at the same time, looking at each other.

 

For the next two days after the party, Lance was almost hysterical. He ranted around the house, alternating between calling JC an immature dickhead and almost bursting into tears. “I ruined Joey’s life, Justin! I ruined the band!” Lance yelled, slamming a bedroom door. Justin sighed and rubbed his temples. And they called HIM a drama queen.  
Lance and Justin had left the party not long after Chris told them the others had left. They sat quietly in the back of the limo, neither one of them talking. They slowly plodded into their house, and it was only after they had showered and carefully hung up their costumes that they started to talk.

“JC is gay,” Justin said slowly. “I’ve known about it for a while…he’s had a few relationships, but no one wanted to stick around. Too stressful. He’s been so lonely.”

“Joey is in love with JC,” Lance told him, and Justin’s mouth fell open. “He’s bi, you know, and he just…he’s been in love with him for a while…but he never thought JC would give him the time of day.” Lance’s green eyes swam with tears. Joey was his best friend second only to Justin. “I convinced him to say something to JC tonight. I told him that I had suspicions about JC maybe being gay…and I told him to say something.” Lance was miserable. “Joey won’t answer my calls, won’t talk to me. He hates me.”

“Lance…” Justin began, but Lance shut himself in the guestroom.

 

The next day, Justin showed up on JC’s front porch. “JC, dammit…I know you’re in there!” Justin yelled, fully ready to make a spectacle of himself on JC’s front porch. “JC…I will break down the fucking door!” Justin leaned his head against the door but heard nothing. “I’ll get your neighbors…I’ll climb through a window!” Justin screamed, exasperated. “JC, you big GIRL, come open this door!”

JC opened it.

 

Justin came back to the house three hours later, exhausted. He walked through the front door, past Lance, who was in the living room, and up the steps. Lance hurried after him. “Justin?”

“I need a shower. I need a nap,” Justin said, sighing. He wasn’t good at this psychology shit. Lance would’ve been better.

“Justin, I want to apologize,” Lance said softly.

“It’s okay, Lance. You were worried about Joey. He’s your best friend.” Justin stripped and stepped into the shower. Lance poked his head into the stall.

“But you’re my boyfriend. I’m sorry I freaked on you.”

“It’s okay, baby.” Justin smiled tiredly at Lance. “I talked to JC. He was just surprised…surprised and a bit freaked out. I yelled at him for freaking you and Joey out, and then I think I convinced him to call Joey.”

“You did?” Lance asked, surprised.

“Yeah.” Justin shut his eyes as he shampooed his hair. When he opened them again, Lance was gone.

Justin got out of the shower and toweled off. He pulled on a pair of shorts and wandered out into the bedroom. Lance was stretched out on the bed. “C’mere.” Lance held out his arms and Justin gratefully crawled into them. He lay his head on Lance’s chest, sighing as Lance slowly rubbed his back and massaged his shoulders. “Rest, baby boy.”

“Love you,” Justin said drowsily. Lance kissed the top of his head.

 

Three days later two phones went off simultaneously at around seven in the morning. Lance groaned and answered his cellphone as Justin answered the phone on the nightstand. “This better be SO damned important,” Justin grumbled as Lance said hello.

“J, it’s me!” JC said excitedly. “Joey’s here…like he spent the night.”

“What?” Justin sat up, instantly awake.

“Lance, it’s Joey. I wanted to say thank you and tell you everything’s okay,” Joey said. “Actually, everything is AMAZING!”

“Really?” Lance said, looking over at Justin and smiling.

“That is so awesome, man,” Justin said.

“Is that Lance?” JC asked.

“Is that Justin?” Joey asked.

“No…it’s Katie Couric,” Lance said quickly.

“It’s Sesame Street,” Justin replied.

“Dude, I am so happy right now. He’s so awesome. He’s downstairs right now…making breakfast,” Joey said, unable to keep the smile from his voice.

“I can’t believe he loves ME, J. ME!” JC said. “I’m so happy I can’t even sleep.”

“Whoa,” Justin said, grinning. “Hey, I’m happy for you.”

“I’m glad it worked out,” Lance told Joey. “Call me when you go home, okay?”

“Gimme a call later…we’ll shoot some hoops,” Justin told JC. Justin and JC hung up. Lance and Joey hung up.

Justin sighed, sliding back down into Lance’s welcoming embrace. “They’re together.”

“Thank God we’re done with that,” Lance said, yawning. Justin curled up against him and they fell back asleep.

 

PRETTY PIECE OF FLESH  
One

 

“So…guess I’ll see you kids next Friday, right?” Chris asked as he yawned and stretched. The plane slowly rumbled to a stop, and they began to gather their things.

“Unfortunately,” Lance said, groaning. He lightly shook Justin, who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. “Baby…wake up. We’re home.”

“Hmmm?” Justin’s blue eyes fluttered open. He pouted sleepily. “Tired.”

“I know…but we’re gonna go back to our house now, and you can sleep in our bed,” Lance cooed. Justin smiled and snuggled closer, then stretched.

“Yeah, right…like you two will sleep once you hit that giant thing,” Joey remarked, laughing. Lance blushed and Justin gave him a glare.

“What we do in our bedroom is none of your business,” he growled, picking up Lance’s bag as well as his own. Lance zipped up the bag that held his laptop.

“At least their bedroom is GETTING business, Joey. You’re just jealous,” Chris put in, and Lance smiled at him gratefully. Justin giggled as Joey frowned.

“You don’t know shit,” he mumbled, and said nothing more. Justin turned in his seat and looked at JC, who was staring out the window.

“Wow…you’re actually awake.”

“Yeah…I didn’t sleep much,” JC said, looking over to smile at his best friend.

Justin got up and slipped into the seat next to JC, even though the seatbelt sign was still lit. “You okay, Jayce?”

“Yeah…just down a bit. I need some rest, I think,” JC told him. “I’m glad we have some time off.”

“I’m just sorry we have to go to that damn party next week.” Justin rolled his eyes. “A costume party? How immature can you get?”

“I think it will be fun,” Lance said over his shoulder. “Besides, wait until you see the costumes I’m having made for us.”

“Cool,” Justin said, smiling. “Are you gonna be naked?”

Chris groaned and put his hands over his ears. “My ears…stop the abuse.” He pretended to be offended, but he wasn’t. None of them were. Justin and Lance belonged together, and they all accepted that.

“I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with him,” Justin said quietly, so quiet that Lance couldn’t even hear him. Justin was the only one who knew that JC also was gay. “I thought you guys were good together.”

“Yeah,” JC said, looking out the window again. Yet another failed relationship with someone who couldn’t deal with the pressure of a celebrity boyfriend. He tried to smile at Justin. “You’re lucky to have someone who understands.”

“Yeah, but when we fight, working together is pure hell.” Justin put a hand on JC’s shoulder and smiled sympathetically. “You’ll find someone. Maybe even at that party next week.”

“Yeah…hide myself in a costume and maybe someone will find me attractive. Sounds great.”

“Hey, Jayce…if you need anything, just a friend or whatever, you call me, okay?” Justin told him. “I’ll be at home.”

“Of course you will…you have fuck time to make up for,” JC teased, and Justin blushed to the tips of his ears. JC laughed and gave his friend a hug. “I’m just jealous,” JC whispered in his ear. Justin watched Lance stand up and stretch.

“Yeah,” he said, sighing happily.

 

JC walked around his empty house, staring at things and not really seeing them. It had been forever since he had had a lot of time at home, and sometimes he felt it wasn’t even his house. He was more at home in a hotel room then in his own home. How wrong was that? He picked up a picture and stared at it. Five guys…five brothers…working their asses off to make it big. Now they were big, and he was alone anyway. Justin and Lance had each other. Chris had Julie. Joey…well…he wasn’t sure what Joey wanted, but he seemed to find it in the girls on the road. JC hadn’t found it yet…and he was sure as hell looking.

 

“C’mon…Jayce…tell me…” Chris begged. JC laughed as he tried to keep the phone on his shoulder and cook dinner at the same time. They had been home for about three days, and Chris had called twice. “I wanna know what you’re wearing. Wanna know our costumes?”

“No, Chris,” JC said patiently, turning the chicken breast carefully before putting it back in the oven. “I want it to be a surprise. Mine’s lame, anyway. Last minute thing I came up with.”

“Actually, what I want to know is what Lance and Justin are dressing as. I bet they’ll match. I bet it’s something cute like Jack and Jill. No…wait…I bet they’re Raggedy Ann and Andy,” Chris said, cracking himself up. “Can’t you see Justin with a red wig?”

“Which one’s Ann?” JC asked, and Chris howled again. They chatted for a few more minutes and then hung up.

JC poured himself a glass of wine, then sat down at the table to wait for dinner to finish cooking. He sighed as he looked at the empty chairs. He could easily have them filled. He could easily find some friends to have dinner with…but he realized that he’d rather have the room empty then filled with empty conversation.

Two

 

“Okay, if this doesn’t scream “flaming queen” I don’t know what does,” JC muttered to himself, turning in front of the mirror. “Tights, for God’s sake.”

He had wanted to do something different, something artistic. He thought of all the usual things, hell, he even considered coming as the famous statue “David”, with an artistically placed fig leaf. This guy’s parties usually ended up as drunken orgies, it would have fit right in. But that wasn’t him. So he flipped through some books in his study and came upon a collection of Shakespeare he hadn’t even known he owned. Actually, he spent the better part of an evening reading through the poetry, drinking wine, and wishing he could write something that would last like that.

So here he was, in front of a mirror, wearing tights and a wifebeater. He sighed, running a hand over his ass. He supposed it was a nice ass, and his dancer’s legs made him look pretty damn good in the tights. But he just knew Chris was going to make fun of him. JC sighed again and walked away from the mirror to put on the rest of his costume.

 

“Hey, Jayce!” JC heard Chris’ voice as soon as he entered the huge house. They had agreed to meet in the foyer, to enter as a group. The party was being given by one of the odder record executives, and they felt there was safety in numbers. JC sighed and took a deep breath.

“Hi, Chris. Hey, Jules.” He bent and kissed Julie’s cheek. She wore a short purple dress with beads hanging from it, and a headband wove around her head, holding a purple feather. Chris wore a dark suit similar to the ones they wore in “Gone,” and he carried a toy tommygun.

“You’re wearing tights!” Chris dissolved into childish laughter. JC blushed and Julie sighed. “What the hell are you, anyway?”

“Dumbass, he’s Romeo,” Julie said, smacking her boyfriend. “I’m sorry, JC. He’s an idiot. I like it.” Her eyes ran over the dark blue tunic that seemed to intensify JC’s blue eyes. Her gaze lingered on his long legs. “Really…like it.”

“Hey.” Chris glared at her, then glared at JC. “Don’t be looking at his…hey! You get to have a sword?” Chris’ brown eyes jealousy looked at the sword that hung by JC’s side. “Julie told me I wasn’t allowed to have a sword!”

“That’s because I know better. You’ll end up hurting someone…or yourself,” she told him. JC laughed.

“Here come the girls,” Chris said, motioning to the door. JC took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and froze as he looked at the door.

Justin and Lance paused to say hello to someone they knew, but Lance’s eyes were already wandering out over the room. His gaze met JC’s, and he grinned. “Jesus,” JC whispered. No one but Justin knew he was gay, but looking at the couple by the doorway was seriously threatening to make it obvious. “Damn these tights anyway,” JC muttered. “They show everything.”

JC knew that his friends were an item, but it still didn’t keep him from looking…and appreciating. Justin wore a pair of tight white jeans, and brown sandals. On top he wore an equally tight white wifebeater that accentuated the muscles in his abdomen, while allowing his smooth biceps to show. Over his arms, shoulder, neck and even his shorn head was gold glitter. Around the crown of his head was a thin circle of gold, and when he turned to say hello to someone, JC saw a small pair of feathery wings attached to the back of the wifebeater.

Lance was a dark contrast, a contrast that made JC swallow deeply. He also wore a wifebeater, but it was black. Embroidered on the wifebeater, over his heart, was a small pair of horns. The pants were black, also…black leather…with red flames licking up from the hem to the knees. A small pair of red horns was carefully placed in Lance’s blond hair, and when HE turned, JC saw a thin red tail hanging from a belt loop.

“Um…don’t they have that backwards?” Julie whispered. JC smiled.

“I think that was the purpose.”

“God, will you STOP lusting after all my friends?” Chris said, only half-annoyed, as Justin and Lance walked over.

“You look…damn…” JC said weakly as Justin gave him a hug. Justin chuckled.

“That good, huh?”

“I can’t decide where I wanna go first…heaven or hell,” JC said honestly, and Justin actually blushed.

“It was Lance’s idea,” he said quickly, then laughed.

“Look, JC is wearing tights. And he gets a sword!” Chris quickly pointed out, pouting.

“Romeo…classy,” Lance said with a grin.

“A sword…how cool is that!” Justin said admiringly. Julie laughed.

“Where’s Joe…I’m hungry,” Chris said. “There’s a buffet, and we could hit if he got his big ass in here.”

“He’ll be here…he probably had to stop and pick up his date or something,” Lance said.

“Where’s your date, JC?”

JC briefly met Justin’s gaze and looked away. “Don’t have one. I figured I was man enough to come alone.”

“Couldn’t find someone to put up with the tights,” Chris snickered.

“Chris, will you shut up!” Justin finally snapped. “You’re just jealous because you’re still too young to carry a sword around. And JC looks damn good in tights.”

“Yeah, he does,” Lance and Julie said together. Chris frowned, JC blushed, and Justin laughed.

“There’s Joe now,” JC said, eager to get the attention off of him.

“Hey…he may look even goofier than you,” Chris pointed out.

Joey wore sandals like Justin’s, but over the rest of his body he wore what could only be described as a furry toga. He carried a small club in his hand, and the caveman outfit made his shoulders look broad. His dark hair was spiked up, and he looked menacing as he pushed through the crowd, which quickly parted for him. “No…he doesn’t look goofy,” JC said quietly. It was amazing what a costume could do. “Hey, Joe…you look…mean.”

“Good.” Joey’s sunny smile contradicted all the meanness of his costume. “I felt like being mean and aggressive tonight.”

“Let’s be mean and aggressive on the buffet, okay?” Chris led the way to the dinning room, followed by everyone else. JC lagged behind, his eyes searching the room. Maybe Justin was right…maybe he’d find what he was looking for at this party.

 

Three

 

“I thought Lance said you were bringing someone,” Chris said to Joey as they sat at a table large enough for the six of them.

“Nah…I said I was hoping to FIND someone tonight,” Joey said, glaring at Lance.

“Oh, sorry…I guess I wasn’t paying attention,” Lance said, blushing.

“You called him and it was after nine o’clock, didn’t you?” JC asked, laughing. Lance blushed deeper and even Joey had to smile.

“Yeah…I was telling him that these parties were always a good place to pick someone up…and I thought he probably wasn’t paying too much attention to me…” Josh looked at Justin.

“What? What did I do?” Justin’s face was pure innocence.

“Yeah…angel my ass,” Joey said, and everyone laughed. Justin pouted.

“It wasn’t my fault. Not my fault you called him right after he had gotten out of the shower and looked all yummy,” he insisted. Lance hid his face in his hands and everyone laughed again.

“I swear, I know more about your sex life then I do Joey’s, and I’ve known him forever,” Chris told them. Joey poked him.

“Hey, there, Al Capone, there’s a LOT I don’t tell you.”

“Name one thing.”

“If I told you, it would be one less thing I haven’t told you,” Joey said. Chris looked confused, shrugged, then went back to his salad.

“That one’s cute,” Justin whispered to JC, discreetly pointing with his fork. JC looked and frowned.

“He’s also married.”

“Really?” Justin looked shocked. “We saw him down at Stallions last week. Hmm…” His blue eyes darted around. “What about him…the one dressed like a banana?”

“His boyfriend is the gorilla over there.”

“Really? Shit…” Justin pointed again. “Over there…by the fountain. He’s nice.”

“Yeah,” JC said vaguely. The man WAS good looking…blond…tall…dressed as a knight. “Why don’t you just let me find someone on my own?”

“I want you to be happy, Jayce,” Justin said softly, and JC smiled.

“I know. You’re an awesome best friend. But what I want is what you and Lance have…and you can’t just randomly find that at some party.”

“I still don’t see why you didn’t just BRING someone,” Chris was saying to Joey. “Like casual. It would have made you look good. You coulda dumped her before you left with someone else.”

Julie smacked Chris before Joey could reply. “Excuse me, Pig? Joey’s better than that.”

“Not always,” he admitted with a smile. “But I look good all on my own…and I’m gonna find what I’m looking for, don’t you worry.”

“God…between you and JC…I feel like all I’m doing is looking for women for you,” Chris said with a sigh. JC met Justin’s gaze and they both bit back grins.

“Chris, you SCARE women away. I want to know how much you’re paying Julie to even date you,” Lance said seriously, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. His face was serious, but the horns made him look so adorable that Julie had to laugh.

“More money then I’m worth, I’m sure,” she said. Chris kissed her cheek.

“There’s not enough money in the world to make up for what you’re worth.”

“Now THAT almost made up for the piggish comment earlier,” Justin told him. Julie smiled and kissed Chris back.

 

The party progressed, and JC began to wander, bored out of his mind. Joey had disappeared somewhere, presumably with the person he had been looking for. Julie and Chris were deep in conversation with some industry people. Justin and Lance had also disappeared. JC had attempted to start a conversation with the knight that Justin had pointed out to him, but he found the man arrogant and boring, and way too quick to undress JC with his eyes.

JC sighed and slipped out of the large ballroom. He walked through the foyer and down one of the halls, not at all ashamed to be sneaking through a stranger’s house. He was sure he wasn’t the only one who had done it…except that he was probably the only one wandering alone. He poked his head into various rooms, looking at paintings and flipping through books. He headed down another hallway, quietly opening a door, then another. He opened the third door slowly, remaining silent and carefully poking his head in.

He bit back a gasp as he spotted two figures bending over the back of a sofa. He quickly pulled back, remembering at the last minute not to slam the door. As the door carefully closed, JC caught sight of a pair of black leather pants and a pair of white jeans piled on the floor. He couldn’t help but grin as he walked away, admiring their audacity. They didn’t care that they were at a practical stranger’s home…they wanted each other, so they found a way to get each other.

Then he sighed. Other couples were probably doing the same thing all over that large house, but it was different with Justin and Lance. They loved each other so much, and they had to hide that love ninety percent of the time. The other guys in the group knew, their families knew, a few people in management knew, but that was it. It was hard as hell for them, but they thought their love was worth it…KNEW their love was worth it. And that’s what JC was looking for.

He opened a set of double doors and gasped as he entered the room. It was a large room with a few comfortable-looking chairs and couches, but the main piece of furniture was a huge aquarium in the middle of the room. It was about eight feet high and about twenty feet long, but not very deep. It held an amazing array of tropical fish, and the tank was lit from the inside. It was the only light in the room, yet a few well placed mirrors on the walls lit the room with the light from the tank. JC slowly approached it, his footsteps echoing. He had never seen anything so peaceful and serene, and he decided then and there to redo one of his spare bedrooms into an area just like this one.

His eyes watched the fish dart about, playing their simple games, and he sighed, leaning his forehead against the glass. It wasn’t fair. He was a good person, he thought, full of compassion and love. He was talented, that he knew. Yet he was alone. He watched a large orange fish swim about. The fish would let himself float down, then at the last minute give a burst of speed to his fins, and he bobbed back up towards the surface. JC frowned at the fish, wondering if it would be that easy. If he jumped into a pool…the ocean…any body of water…would he find it in himself to push back to the top? Or would it be easier to just sink?

He surprised himself by letting out a sob that echoed as his footsteps had…and he reached up and felt tears on his face. That was okay though…no one was around to see him. He allowed himself to cry, glaring at the fish in the tank. A slow movement on the other side of the tank caught his eye, and he gasped and pulled back. A piece of paper slid up the glass on the other side of the tank, the letters facing him. He could read the large block letters through the aquarium, though they were a bit distorted.  
“I hate it when you cry.”

 

Four

 

JC stared at the paper. It was white, unlined paper, perhaps typing or computer paper. He didn’t recognize the handwriting, and the words were written in black ink. He swallowed slowly, afraid to try and see who was on the other side.

“I…I’m sorry,” he said softly, wiping away a final tear. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

The paper came down and was quickly lifted back up with the first words scribbled out, and new words written above. “It’s okay…I don’t mind.”

“I just…needed to get away…be alone,” JC said softly, not believing he was talking to a piece of paper. The paper went down and up once more.

“I understand.”

“I don’t think you do. No one does,” JC mumbled, watching an angelfish dart in and out of some rocks in the aquarium. “That’s part of my problem, I think.”

“You don’t have any problems.”

JC laughed. “The hell I don’t. I mean, I’m a rich and famous popstar, right? We don’t have problems. We have little eccentricities that make us special, but we sure as hell don’t have problems.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it that way. I meant you’re perfect.”

JC froze, stunned. Who was this person that thought they knew him? Some crazed fan who had happened upon him in this sanctuary, who had found him crying and thought she could use the opportunity to get close? He shivered at the thought. “I’m not perfect,” he said finally. “I have lots of problems. I mean look at me.”

“I look at you all the time. You’re beautiful.”

“No one else thinks so.”

“Thousands of people think so. You hear them screaming.”

“Yeah…but that’s for what they see on the outside,” JC said, frowning.

A new, clean piece of paper came up. “I know the inside is beautiful, too.”

“Then why can’t I find someone?” JC burst out. All of the loneliness and self-pity came out in one sentence. “Why am I such a damn freak? God, I’d give it all up…in a heartbeat…if I could find what THEY have…Lance and Justin are so beautiful together. I want that. I want someone to wake me up with kisses…want someone to carry my bags, or let me sleep on their lap…I want to take care of someone.”

“You’re not a freak…” The paper went down and back up again. “And you could never give it all up…the music is part of your soul.”

“Yeah, it is,” JC admitted. “But all that doesn’t get me anywhere. I pour my fucking heart out on my sleeve for the world to see…”

“And the world’s a better place because you’re in it.” JC stared as the paper went down for a long moment.

“Thank you,” he said finally. “I do appreciate it…I just find it hard to believe, that’s all. All the screams and signs and compliments…it’s not the same. But thank you.”

“You’re welcome…I’ve been waiting a long time to say it.”

“God…who are you?” JC whispered. “You act like you know me.” He watched as a crumpled piece of paper came flying over the top of the aquarium, landing a few feet behind him. He bent down and picked it up. “That’s because I do,” he read aloud. He slowly turned around, peering through the aquarium. He looked around the fish, around the rocks, and into the solemn brown eyes of Joey Fatone.

 

Five

 

The piece of paper fluttered to the floor as Joey slowly walked around the aquarium. “Jesus,” JC breathed.

“I was sitting on the floor when you came in…behind the aquarium,” Joey said quietly. “I saw you in the mirror and was about to say something when you started to cry.” JC didn’t respond. “I was…well…I was writing you a letter, actually.” Joey tried to smile, waving the small stack of paper in the air. “Was feeling down, a little drunk…found this paper in an office or something. But you saved me the trouble.”

“This is just…weird.” JC took a step backwards and almost tripped over his own feet.

“Whoa…are you okay?” Joey reached out but JC backed away.

“Don’t…just…don’t, okay?” JC asked.

“Okay…Jayce…okay,” Joey said softly, his brown eyes sad.

“How long have you felt this way?”

“A while?”

“Please be a bit more specific.”

“About five or six months now.”

“You like girls!”

“Sure I do…but I like some guys, too. And I love you. Is that so unimaginable?”

“Apparently you don’t love me much, seeing how many girls you bring back to your room.” JC had no idea why he said that, but it seemed important to point out. Joey hung his head.

“I know…but I don’t bring half as many back as I say I do…or as Chris says I do.” Joey rolled his eyes. He looked up at JC sorrowfully. “It helps…since I can’t have you.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because I never thought you’d feel the same way…still don’t…and I didn’t think you were gay. Are you?” Joey tilted his head. JC paused, then nodded. “Oh. Lance thought you were. I mean, him and me…”

“You talked about me?” JC wondered how much Justin had told Lance.

“Yeah…he’s the only one who knows…about me being bi and all…and he promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone. Not even Justin,” Joey said, and JC realized his secret was safe with his best friend.

“You said you were looking for someone tonight,” JC said in an accusing tone. Joey looked at his sandals.

“What I meant was that I was looking for you…that I was gonna find a way to tell you how I felt. I mean, here we are, in costumes…being someone we’re not. This way I could actually be myself and tell the truth. Kinda twisted, but it made sense at the time.” Joey ran a hand through his hair. “Look, Jayce…I didn’t mean to scare you or disgust you or anything…I just…I needed to tell you. You’ve been so damn down…and I know you’ve been lonely…and I just wanted to tell you that there was someone out there, not just a fan, who thinks you’re sensational.”

JC looked Joey in the eye, not sure WHAT to think. “I should go. I mean, I need to go. Now.”

“Okay,” Joey said sadly, trying to smile.

“I’ll…um…I’ll talk to you later.” JC practically ran out of the room, his sword bumping against his leg.

“Hey, Jayce!” Chris stopped him, grabbing his arm. “Where is everyone?”

“Lance and Justin are around somewhere. Joey’s…” JC faltered. “Joey’s back there in that room. I gotta go.” He unstrapped the sword. “Here, Chris.” He pushed the sword into his friend’s arms and headed towards the front door.

 

Six

 

JC sat on the floor in the hallway of his house, leaning back against the wall. He stared at the door, tilting his head. “That is one annoying doorbell,” he said to himself, his voice echoing against the silence. “Maybe I could get one that plays a tune…like maybe…oh…Beethoven’s Fifth…yeah…”

“JC, dammit, I know you’re in there!” He heard Justin shout. He moaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Go away, Justin,” he said quietly.

“JC…I will break down the fucking door!”

“Sure you will.”

“I’ll go get your neighbors!”

“They don’t even know me.”

“I’ll climb through a window.”

“That would be funny.” JC realized his was having a conversation with Justin when Justin couldn’t hear him. That was scary.

“JC, you big GIRL, come open this door!” Justin screamed. JC sighed and pulled himself to his feet. “Joshua Scott…oh…hey,” Justin said in surprise when JC threw the door open.

“Is there something you need?” JC snapped.

“Well, I…holy hell…JC, you’re still wearing your costume!”

“Yeah?”

“That party was three days ago. God…that’s nasty.” Justin shoved his way past JC and went into the house. He started for the steps, pulling JC with him. “You need a shower. Have you eaten?”

“Justin, why are you here?” JC sighed, letting Justin drag him up the steps.

“No one’s heard from you. Joey won’t answer his door, and Lance has been freaking out. Apparently Joey confided in him the way you confided in me.”

“Not exactly the same,” JC said sullenly. Justin turned to stare at him.

“Jayce, the man I love more then anything in the world is past hysterical because he thinks he ruined Joey’s life by telling him to talk to you. You’d better check that attitude at the shower because if, when you come out, you’re still acting this way, I will kick your gay ass.” He shoved JC towards the shower. “Shower.”

 

Justin had a quick lunch prepared when JC came down. JC had on a pair of shorts and a tshirt, and he was toweling his hair. “Thanks,” JC said quietly.

“No problem.” Justin put a glass of lemonade down by a plate. “Sit down and eat something. When you’re ready, talk.”

“Okay.” JC tentatively bit into the sandwich. “Hey…this is good.”

Justin glared at him. “Even I can’t mess up peanut butter and jelly, Jayce.” JC smiled and continued to eat.

He was almost finished before he could bring himself to ask the question that had been on his mind since he had left the party. “How did you know?”

“That you were gay? Hell, JC, it was so obvious. You…”

“Not me, dumbass. YOU.”

“Oh, me?” Justin thought for a moment. “I wonder about this myself, sometimes. Before Lance, I had never really gone after a guy. I had never thought it was what I wanted. I looked at guys, thought different ones were hot, but I thought I was just open…you know…able to see a good looking guy and appreciate it, and not feel all weird about it. Lance was so open with us about being gay, you know, and I asked him about a few things once or twice. Then one day I caught him looking at me…and I realized he thought I was hot. Me. That was cool, you know…and then remember that day in rehearsal when I caught my foot in the harness and almost cracked my head open?” JC nodded. “The look on his face…I’ve never seen pure terror before, JC, but I saw it that day on Lance’s face. He cradled my head on his lap while we waited for the ambulance. He stroked my face and forehead, was all calm, you know, like Lance is…but his eyes…JC…he was doing everything he could not to cry.”

“Whoa,” JC whispered. He hadn’t noticed that.

“When they finally let you guys visit, and he came in alone…he told me how thankful he was that I was gonna be okay, and I said thanks or something stupid, and then he held my hand. Actually held it. And he sang me to sleep. It was so cool. And as I was about to doze off…he thought I was asleep already…he leans up, kisses my forehead, and tells me he loves me. Then he left.” Justin smiled. “I took a few days to really rethink some things…and then I confronted him with it. He said yes, he said no, he stuttered, and then I kissed him to stop his ranting. And there you go.”

“So you never really knew you were gay exactly, you just knew you wanted Lance.”

“I knew I wanted to be WITH Lance,” Justin corrected. “I knew he was what I was looking for all along.”

“Oh.” JC played with his glass, swirling the glass around.

“Joey could be what you’re looking for,” Justin said gently. JC looked up sharply. “He’s had a thing for you for a while, apparently.”

“That’s creepy, though, Justin! I mean, he’s been watching me, paying all this attention to what I do or how I feel…”

“And it’s all because he thinks you’re special.”

“Sensational, actually,” JC interrupted. He smiled at Justin shyly. “He said I was sensational.”

“There you go.” Justin leaned forward. “JC, I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel. I just know you need to talk to him. If not for you and him, then for all of us. Trust me, I know what it’s like to be so unsure. I know what he’s feeling right now…except Lance didn’t freak on me the way you freaked on Joey.”

“I didn’t freak on him!” Justin raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I did. But not intentionally. I mean, it was just…weird.”

“Think about it, dude.” Justin stood and prepared to leave. “Think about who we’re talking about. Joey, man. Joey’s great.” Justin clapped JC on the shoulder, then left.

 

JC sighed as he flopped onto his bed. Joey. Think about Joey, Justin said. Okay. Joey. Joseph Anthony Fatone, Jr. A nice guy…very nice. Not as dumb as everyone thought, and twice as kind as he was smart. He was the one you could go to with a secret and be sure it would be kept. He was the one who would bail you out of embarrassing situations and not make you feel any more embarrassed. One of the best friends you could ask for.

Physically? Could you ever be down when faced with Joey’s grin? God, it lit up his whole face. And he had a nice body. He had been toning it a bit more, lately, and all of the hard work had shown under that caveman outfit. JC thought he liked Joey’s eyes best. They reflected everything Joey was feeling or thinking. JC frowned as he realized that the last time he had seen Joey, Joey’s eyes had only reflected pain…and he had put the pain there.

JC rolled onto his stomach, staring at his phone. He slowly reached over and grabbed the phone, holding it for a moment. Then he picked it up and dialed a familiar number. The machine picked up. “Joey? This is Josh…JC…um…yeah…I ran away like a wuss. I should have talked to you. If you’re screening this…um…it’s cool…I was doing the same thing. Anyway, we need to talk…figure this thing out…it’s better all around if we get it out. So…uh…yeah. I’ll be here. Call. I’ll be here waiting for your call.”

 

Seven

 

JC was fast asleep in front of the TV, a bowl of Fruit Loops precariously perched on his stomach, when the phone rang. He jumped up, sloshing milk and soggy cereal everywhere. “Huh…hello?”

“Jayce?”

“Joey.” JC sat straight up and ran a hand through his hair to straighten it…like Joey could see him through the phone. “Hey…dude…what’s up?”

“I got your message…sorry it took a few days to call…I…um…wasn’t up to talking to anyone.”

“Yeah…I understand.” JC said softly. “So…um…wanna get together and talk or something? What time is it?”

“About midnight,” Joey said. He sighed. “Yeah, I’d like to talk.”

“Wanna come over?”

Joey sighed again. “Um…actually…I AM already over. I’m in my car in front of your house.”

JC stumbled to his feet and peered through the blinds. A car sat in front of his house and blinked its lights. He couldn’t help but smile. “Then get the hell in here before my neighbors think you’re staking out houses to rob.”

“Okay.” Joey hung up.

JC looked down at himself in dismay. His ratty tshirt and sweatpants were now drenched in milk. He sighed and went to the door. “Hey,” he said when he opened it. “I…uh…had an accident. Can I run up and change?”

“Sure,” Joey said, smiling at the large wet spot on JC’s pants.

“And it’s NOT what you think,” JC called over his shoulder.

When he came back down in jeans and a sweatshirt, Joey was dabbing at the sofa cushions with a damp dishcloth. “Fruit Loops for dinner?”

“Yeah…I am following in Justin’s cereal footsteps. You didn’t have to do that…thanks.”

“No problem,” Joey said, and it wasn’t. It was just the kind of person Joey was. He handed JC the dishcloth and he took it to the kitchen to rinse it out. Joey followed him, leaning against the refrigerator.

“Want something?”

“Coffee?” Joey asked, and JC nodded, plugging in his coffeemaker. He spooned the grounds into a filter, and snapped it into place. “And the reason I was in front of your house…I was sitting outside…getting courage to call.”

“I’m sorry…for freaking like a dumbass,” JC said without turning around. He heard Joey scuff his shoe on the linoleum.

“It’s okay…I shouldn’t have told you.”

JC slowly turned around. “Yeah, you should have.” He turned back to grab two mugs from the cupboard. He put sugar on the table, and got a small carton of milk from the refrigerator. He motioned for Joey to sit. Joey sat.

“Well…maybe I went about it the wrong way,” Joey tried again.

“Is there any right way? The only wrong thing in that situation was the way I dealt with it. And I’m sorry. Hell…I have people telling me I’m great all the time…why did this freak me out so much?” JC tried to joke. Joey didn’t smile. “I just…damn, Joe. You sure are good at hiding your feelings.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Joey said, running a hand through his hair. JC poured the coffee and slid a mug towards Joey before sitting down. “I swear to God, I thought it was written all over my face every time I looked at you.”

“It wasn’t…honestly…at least not to me,” JC said softly. He took a sip of the steaming coffee before adding some sugar. “I just thought you were the same old Joey…my friend.”

“I still am…it’s just now you know that there’s more than friendship there.” Joey stirred milk into his coffee. “Jayce…this doesn’t have to change anything. I mean, if you don’t feel the same…that’s fine…I’m used to that. I just don’t want it to affect our friendship, or the way the group works, or anything like that.”

“The night I called, Justin came over and kicked my ass into gear. I was hermitting myself up in here…and he said you were doing the same thing.”

“Kinda,” Joey admitted.

“He said Lance was freaking…said he thought he pushed you to do something that ruined your life.”

“Lance…God…what a drama queen,” Joey said, finally grinning. JC grinned back.

“He and Justin are a perfect pair,” JC said. Joey nodded.

“Yeah, they are. I just…I blurted out my feelings one day, and Lance was so cool about it, giving me suggestions and just listening. He liked Justin for so long before they got together, so he could understand.”

“That’s what happened between me and Justin. Justin asked me one day if I was gay, and he talked to me about it…and then the other night he told me about what happened when he and Lance hooked up. See, I never thought about being bi…like I almost thought it was impossible, you know? You like one or the other…but Justin has told me lots of times how that’s not true…and I guess in his case, and yours, it isn’t true.”

“But Justin is with Lance now,” Joey pointed out.

“Yeah…but he still thinks girls are sexy and stuff. I think girls are pretty…beautiful…attractive…but I would never have sex with a woman.”

“Never?” Joey tilted his head and looked at JC, who shook his head.

“Nope. Tried it once when I was eighteen. Couldn’t get it up…mortifying, let me tell you.” JC smiled. “Never tried it again.”

“I like women…I mean…there are some things about them that are just so different from guys…but I’ve been with one or two guys, too…and that is incredible in its own way,” Joey said. JC smiled but said nothing. He had been curious about just how far Joey had gone with a man, and this had answered his unasked question. “But I think when it comes down to a relationship, it all has to fit, sex, love, everything. And what gender the person is shouldn’t matter.”

“Right.” JC nodded slowly, amazed at how open and easy this conversation was. He looked Joey in the eye. “Joe, I am really sorry I didn’t stay and listen to you that night. I was just so shocked because I didn’t see this coming. I had no clue you had such strong feelings about me…and I’m still not sure why you do.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “Well, if that isn’t begging for compliments…”

“Joey, I’m not being like that. I’m serious. You’ve seen me drunk off my ass and acting like a dickhead. You’ve seen me hung over and miserable. You’ve seen me tired and miserable. You’ve seen me awake and miserable. You’ve seen me bitchy and sick with the flu and happy and confused and everything…I would think that would scare someone away.” JC stared down into his coffee.

“I’ve seen how young you look when you sleep,” Joey said softly. “I’ve seen how happy you look when you’re performing. I’ve seen how blissful you look when someone sings your lyrics and makes them sound good. I’ve seen how hurt you look when someone takes your lyrics and makes them sound like shit. I’ve seen how you feed off the energy of the music.” JC looked up sharply. “I’ve seen how hungry you look when Justin and Lance are all lovey-dovey, and you have to sit and just be happy for them. I’ve seen how lonely you look when you sit on a bus and stare out the window for an hour. I’ve seen how sad you look when Julie and Chris sit and giggle about some secret. And I’ve seen you cry.” Joey played with a fingernail. “God, I hate seeing your cry.”

“You said you still don’t think I could reciprocate your feelings,” JC said suddenly. “You said that, at the party. Why?”

Joey looked at JC like he was an idiot. “Jesus, JC, think about it. You are one of the pretty ones. You and Justin. This pretty…thing…this beautiful thing that is just…amazing. I’m one of the ones in the background, the one that gives depth to the music you create. You’re talented and sexy and gorgeous…I’m just one of the mortals in the back.”

JC frowned. “You shouldn’t think about yourself like that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t.”

Joey’s mouth fell open. “You…I…you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, I’m not. You know me better than that. I’m just a mortal, too, Joe. And Justin told me the other night to sit and think about this…to think about you. And I have. And you’re pretty damn amazing, too…and I should have told you that sooner.”

“Shut up,” Joey said, but he blushed. JC rubbed a hand through his hair.

“It’s late. I’m tired. But this isn’t over, Joe. Not by a long shot. Now that you’ve woken me the hell up…I need to look into a few things…see what’s going on. If you’ll let me…” JC trailed off, looking into Joey’s eyes. “I’m sorry…and I want another chance.” He stood up and uncertainly stood by the table.

Joey stood as well, trying hard to keep his sunny smile from erupting, but he couldn’t hold it back. “Hell…yeah…of course. Nothing for you to apologize about.”

JC put a hand on Joey’s face, the soft hair of Joey’s beard lightly scratching his skin. “Thank you,” he whispered, then leaned forward to gently press his lips against Joey’s. Joey froze for an instant, then kissed him back. Joey was first to pull away.

“Okay…um…yeah…whoa…okay…” Joey stuttered. JC smiled and leaned his forehead against Joey’s.

“My sentiments exactly. You wanna crash here tonight?” Joey looked at JC, then nodded. “C’mon. I have a king-sized bed…and you’re a gentleman, right?” JC asked as they went up the stairs.

“You do remember who you’re asking, right?” Joey said.

“Yeah…true…how many girls did Chris say you had over last week?”

“Six, I think…but he keeps changing it…kinda like that rescue story he told on Leno,” Joey replied as JC closed his bedroom door behind them.

THE END


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